How to Balance ABA Grad School, Work, and Motherhood (The Honest Version)
- abaunleashed
- Jan 4
- 5 min read
Here's How I Survived ABA Grad School as a Working Mom: The 3 Rules That Saved My Sanity
(A Story for Every BCBA Student Who’s Holding It All Together With Coffee & Hope)
If you’ve ever Googled
“How to survive ABA grad school while working full time”
or
“ABA grad school as a mom”
then you and I… we’re already best friends.
Because I lived that life.
And it wasn’t cute.
It wasn’t aesthetic.
It wasn’t iced-coffee-and-laptop-at-Starbucks vibes.
It was survival.
It was exhaustion.
If you’re reading this, you’re probably in grad school right now…
or you’re trying to figure out how the hell people survive ABA grad school while working, parenting, breathing, blinking, existing.
Let me be the first to tell you:
I did not “thrive.” I survived.
Barely. Messily. Dramatically.
(Sometimes all three at once.)
And I’m going to be so real with you —
grad school damn near broke me.
Not because I wasn’t smart enough.
Not because I didn’t care enough.
But because I was trying to be EVERYTHING at once:
A full-time mom.
A full-time employee.
A full-time student.
And somehow… a full-time human (but that role was on backorder).
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but:
ABA grad school is not a two-year sprint.
It is a multi-year emotional marathon with academic hurdles and psychological jump scares.
And when you’re doing it with a child, a job, and a brain that gets overwhelmed by the sight of Blackboard at 11:47 PM…
You learn real quick what actually matters.
So let me tell you the truth —
The ONLY reason I finished grad school was because I created three non-negotiables.
Three things I refused to give up.
Three lines nobody — not work, not school, not stress — could cross.
These non-negotiables saved my sanity.
They saved my family.
They saved my future.
And they might save yours, too.
Non-Negotiable #1: “I’m Finishing This Degree — Even If I Have to Cry Through It.”
I need you to understand something about me:
If I get overwhelmed, I shut down.
I disappear into my blanket.
I avoid the assignment.
I pretend the discussion board doesn’t exist.
I act like Sunday deadlines are a rumor.
There were nights I sat at my desk staring at a topic like:
“Evaluate the ethical implications of…” ...... Girl!!!!! … evaluate WHAT? I haven’t eaten in 2 days.
But no matter how stressed I got, one thing was non-negotiable:
Dropping out of grad school was NEVER on the table.
Not because I’m superhuman.
Not because I’m disciplined.
But because I refused to let all my exhaustion mean nothing.
There were days when the only thing keeping me going was the thought:
“If I quit now, I’m still going to be tired.
But at least if I finish, the tired will mean something.”
I let myself drop classes.
I let myself slow down.
I let myself stop pretending I was fine.
But quitting the degree?
Absolutely not.
That was my promise to myself.
And sometimes the only thing that kept me standing was that promise.
Non-Negotiable #2: My Child Comes Before EVERYTHING — .
Listen…
Balancing motherhood + ABA grad school + work is not a skill.
It’s a plot twist.
I used to think I had to pick:
Be a good mom or be a good student.
But then I realized:
My child is not collateral damage for my future career
ABA grad school?
It can wait.
My daughter’s childhood?
It doesn’t rewind.
My rule was simple:
✔ If a job messed with my school schedule → that job had to go
✔ If an assignment interfered with my mental health → it could be late
✔ If someone tried to guilt-trip me → they got removed
✔ If my daughter needed me → she got me
She is my WHY.
Not my excuse.
And I refused to build a BCBA career she’d eventually resent.
Being a parent while in grad school is a different type of guilt.
Every time I opened my laptop, I felt like I was choosing school over her.
Every time I closed my laptop, I felt like I was choosing her over my future.
I was stretched thin between motherhood and ambition.
But I made one thing crystal clear:
My daughter needed a present mom.
Not a perfect mom.
Not a mom with all A’s.
Not a mom who never missed a discussion post.
She needed a mom who didn’t disappear into burnout.
So I protected her time with my life.
Assignments could be late.
Her childhood couldn’t.
This non-negotiable grounded me.
Every time I forgot myself, I remembered her.
Non-Negotiable #3: My Mental Health Is Worth More Than Any Job or Assignment
This one was the hardest.
Because all my life, I believed I had to endure everything:
Toxic work environments.
Supervisors who micromanaged my oxygen.
Schedules that made no sense.
Assignments that somehow were always due “in 3 hours.”
But one day, I hit my breaking point.
I was working full-time, going to school full-time, being a mom full-time…and trying to survive on:
• Coffee
• Water
• A WHOLE BOX of Debbie cake
• And tears (for hydration)
I remember sitting in the shower — not even crying dramatically…just letting the water hit me like I was powering down.
And my brain whispered the realest thing it ever told me:
“If something doesn’t change… you won’t make it.”
So from that day forward:
If a job threatened my mental health
→ I let it go.
If a person stressed me out
→ They were removed from my life.
If an assignment was causing panic
→ I stepped away and took a breath.
I stopped sacrificing my mind for a field that will still be here tomorrow.
You can always study again.
You can always retake a test.
You can always resubmit an assignment.
But you cannot replace yourself.
Ever.
What These Three Rules Actually Did for Me
They didn’t make grad school easier.
They didn’t eliminate stress.
They didn’t suddenly turn me into this organized color-coded supermom with a clean desktop and meal-prepped lunches.
They simply kept me alive.
Mentally.
Emotionally.
Spiritually.
These non-negotiables gave me:
✔ Permission to slow down
✔ Permission to rest
✔ Permission to prioritize myself
✔ Permission to be human
✔ Permission to finish imperfectly
Because the truth is:
You don’t need to be superwoman to finish ABA grad school.
You just need boundaries.
You just need clarity.
You just need compassion — for yourself.
And if no one has told you this yet:
If you’re doing grad school, parenting, working, AND trying to stay afloat…
You are doing enough.
You ARE enough.
And you will make it.
I’m rooting for you.
I’m proud of you.
And I promise — truly — it gets better.
If you want more emotional support + real-life BCBA guidance…
With love,
Rae 💚
ABA Unleashed® — human-first, jargon-last
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